Interesting Title Describing Exactly What This Op-Ed Is About (Opinion Editorial on Names)

Rachel Nicole Davis (Tall Ginger Girl Kind of Weird And Sings A Lot (Awkward Adhesive) Daughter of Christopher and Susan)

Mr. Spanier (Self-Proclaimed “El Jefe” Meaning The Chief)

English 3AP (Class On Reading And Writing At A College Level), Period 6

January (Roman Month After A God With Two Faces) 4, 2011

Interesting Title Describing Exactly What This Op-Ed Is About

People are obsessed with names, with naming things, with putting letters together and forcing whatever word-thing comes out onto some poor, defenseless, nameless creature. Perhaps this rampant labeling comes from the creation of man, where God decided that man was to name everything. No offense, God, I love you and all, but maybe you should have given Adam a few guidelines. How does a baby end up being Cain? Or Abel? Or a snake a snake and not an "sssssss". That would make more sense as it makes that sound therefore describes it better.

Names really should consist of describing adjectives also used as interjections or nouns. For example, if I went by “Tall Ginger Girl Kind of Weird And Sings A Lot” I’d be more apt to get my paper, and only my paper back after tests. In one of my classes, three people have parents who decided they were “Ewes” (the Hebrew origin of the name Rachel). If my first name were “Tall Ginger Girl Kind of Weird And Sings A Lot” it would describe exactly me, and pretty much only me. Not a female sheep, not the mother of Joseph, not the wife of Jacob, just me. 

Now I know, most parents, and people in general for that matter, would argue that a name does describe a person: their surname describes who he descended from, and so on and so forth. My last name is Davis. This name originated from a lazy person writing “David’s Son” sans a few letters, a space, and a punctuation mark. My father is not David, nor is any one else in my family that I know of. Furthermore, I am not a son, thank you very much. I am a daughter. Obviously, this label falls significantly short of adequately describing myself and the family from which I come.

Middle names really kick my brain. If first names supposedly describe who you are, and last names supposedly describe who you came from, for what is this awkward name stuck in the middle? In Russia, the father’s name resides there in altered form, but in the Western world, it just acts as an awkward adhesive between two pseudo-describing words. My middle name, Nicole, only came into popularity halfway through the 20^th century; if humanity took that long to invent my name, it should not have bothered inventing middle names at all.

People can get along perfectly well without middle names. Take my father for example. He has no middle name. He also has part ownership in his Optometry practice (The other part is owned by my mother).  He has a lovely wife (who, coincidentally, does have a middle name). He has three very beautiful and immensely talented children (if I may say so myself). Obviously, his lack of an adhesive between his personal label and family label did not hinder his productivity and success in life.

     Though, describing exactly what a person or thing is may be a daunting, nearly impossible, task for most people. As Lucy so greatly put in a You're a Good Man Charlie Brown "A person's personality is not really developed until age five." Or something like that.  Until a child has grown enough to develop a personality worthy of description, what do you call it? That’s it! “It”!

Many people may find "It" too insensitive, too detached for new, naive families to handle. I guess mislabels must remain status quo until parents can just get over themselves. And, I admit, “Tall Ginger Girl Kind of Weird And Sings A Lot (Awkward Adhesive) Daughter of Christopher and Susan” would be pretty cumbersome to write on all my papers. I guess Rachel Nicole Davis will have to do.

Maybe I am an ewe: Just a sweet, herd-able, naive, little sheep, just like the rest 376,428 Rachel’s in America.